A Song

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

Victor Hugo

I have always loved music and singing and when I was a kid I wrote a lot of poetry and would try to make up songs to go with the poems. But I haven’t done anything like that in years. Well, I’ve had this tune (and even some of the words) in my head since I was a pre-teen. I always thought it was catchy and fun and could make a great song and never forgot that melody. A few months ago inspiration hit and I no longer had just an old idea for a chorus I suddenly had an entire song.

I can’t really explain how this happened. The words flowed and the verses and a bridge just evolved. I would hum or sing it while washing dishes and jot down lyric ideas late at night when I should have been sleeping or at random times while out places on my notes app.

I awkwardly plunked the notes out on my little keyboard (because I can’t even play the piano) and then one day I recorded myself singing it with my phone and then nervously sent the video clip to some friends who are musicians.

From then on this process of producing ‘a single’ has gone very smoothly so far. I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing but thankfully my friends know music engineering and have been amazing to work with.

I am getting so excited to share this song with the world. But I don’t want to share too much because I want it to speak for itself. With this tune in my head and words that just spilled out I could feel deep down in my bones that God was going to do something with this song. It’s exactly like Victor Hugo’s quote. It is impossible for me to be silent.

Up until recently, I’ve actually felt extremely shy and afraid about singing this way. I am 100% comfortable singing in choirs (which I haven’t done since high school but I loved it!) and I’ve sang solos in musical theater (again, not since high school) and I’ve had the joy to sing occasionally on our church worship team. But most, if not all, of that singing was sung with my ‘head voice’. I like to call it my choir voice.

But, the kind of singing that really moves me, and the voice I use for when I really want to pour my soul into it, is my chest voice. This is also called a belting voice. For whatever reason, I’ve been afraid to sing in front of other people using this voice, even though it’s my favorite style of singing.

I actually think singing in front of my kids since their births have helped me get more comfortable singing in front of others. I don’t really fear their judgment because they might not know yet what is supposed to sound good. Except for when one of them asks, “Mom can you stop singing already!?” then I feel self-conscience again. Hah.

But I’ve been wondering why God would put this desire in me, a desire that has recently gotten stronger? Is singing/songwriting a way I could bring glory to God? And when I randomly decided to give this old song idea a little bit of time, it was like I was receiving a big resounding YES.

So, right now, I’ve sung my song in front of a few friends and my hubby and kids. I was still nervous. But I’ve been seeking the Lord in the process of stripping away my silly fears and just focusing on doing what I believe I’m being called to do.

The song has been arranged and recorded but there are a few adjustments yet to be made. I can’t believe how FUN this process has been.

What I am seeking the Lord for next in this is a videographer. We (me and the music team/friends I’ve been working with) feel that this song would be best shared and more powerful with a nicely produced music video.

It’s a bit out of my comfort zone (but again a lot of this has been!) but I really am hoping and praying for the right videographer to work with for this project.

So, here’s how you can help: subscribe to my blog or follow me on one of my social media accounts so I can update you about the progress AND more importantly: share this blog post with your friends and help me spread the word. For anyone interested I can share privately a little more detail. I just want to plan a big reveal/release for everyone when it’s all done.

If you are a videographer and I’ve piqued your curiosity you can email me at jessica @ kartis . online

Thank you so much for reading this!

I have to give some shoutouts now and thank all the people who’ve been a part of this:
My husband and kids, Ian, Elizabeth, Doug, Milo & Rachel – you know who you are. You all rock.

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