What if the plane crashes and I die? Lots of people travel for work all the time, I’ll be fine. I better just make sure things are in order, just in case though. Oh no, what if something bad happens to the kids while I’m gone. I will feel so guilty. What should I pack? What outfits should I wear? I wonder if my makeup is small enough to meet the liquid requirements for flying. I don’t even know why I’m going on this trip. I don’t deserve this at all. I’m excited to get some writing done. I hope I can actually get some writing done and not have writer’s block. I hope my book doesn’t suck. It probably sucks. Yeah, it’s a terrible idea. What am I doing with my life? I can’t wait to see how hiking in the jungles will inspire my jungle scenes. Maybe I need to bring pepper spray. I am so excited to travel to Hawaii and see my sister but how do I cram in everything I want to do and see! I have a bad case of FOMO right now… *thinks of a new plot twist or character development scene* Oh yes that’s a great idea. I can see it will all come together in the end. This is going to be so fun. I will miss the kids. This story moves me, I can do this. I feel called to do this. I wonder if I should just get up and go write down my idea quick. *checks time on phone* It’s 2:00am yikes. *Goes down and gets laptop, makes a quick note on GoogleDocs* I want to write more but I can barely see straight I’m so tired. I am going to go back to bed.
This is a little snippet of what it’s like in my brain at night when I am feeling a little bit of insomnia. This happens to me once in a while and usually almost always before something major is about to happen, like a trip or big event. I just accept that this is just part of my own bent and struggle with anxiety. Nights like this do not happen that often and if they did happen often I would reach out for help because no one should wrestle with anxious all-over-the-map thoughts like that every single night. But when circumstances warrant a little added anxiety I just try to roll with it.
I need to rehearse truth to myself as often as I remember during the day so that I’ve practiced what I will tell myself at night when the thoughts come pounding in.
- This trip to Hawaii is a GIFT. Gifts are never deserved, that’s what makes them gifts. It is a gift from my husband (and ultimately from GOD!). What can this good gift illustrate for me? What is God trying to teach me?
- Since this is a joyfully given gift from someone I love and trust I can accept that this gift/trip is GOOD and I am supposed to go on this trip.
- If God wants me to go on this trip then He must have a plan and purpose for it. His plan and His purpose are what bring me peace, not my own plans or my own purposes.
- If I can walk in faith and trust God and His plan then all the other details will work themselves out and I don’t need to stress about them.
- As people we can be so focused on the end result: the successful trip, the finished novel… that we forget God uses the PROCESS for His purposes in and through our lives.
- I will work towards my goal of getting writing done and following in the steps I believe I am supposed to take but always remember that my life is the Lord’s and if He wants me to write a book then it will happen.
- I will not be swayed by the pervasive Fear of Missing Out. I will do exactly what I am supposed to do, not more, not less. If it isn’t meant to be, it isn’t meant to be. If there are adventures to be had in Hawaii that I won’t have time for I will firmly say, “Next time!” and be content with reality.
Maybe you have something big coming up or there is something in your life that causes some anxiety or FOMO in you. Maybe you don’t have a big trip coming up but what is in your life right now that are gifts you maybe don’t always see as gifts? Insert your *thing* where I’ve written about my trip and see if these truths help you think through fighting your anxious thoughts.
And Even If my worst fears are realized, I know that God is sovereign and in control and feeling stressed or worried about my fears does not honor Him or add one ounce of goodness to the situation. I must put my hope in Him and He will lead me.
I’ve seen a popular quote circulating instagram lately:
That’s basically how I feel.
As I prepare for my writing/adventure trip I am starting to pack a suitcase… but I also want to pack a mental suitcase. In it I want it filled with scripture passages and a loose plan and some focus for my writing. So that is my next task, to be mentally prepared for this: armed with God’s word and ready for what lies before me.
If you have a passage or verse you want to share with me please leave it below in the comments. I will write them down in my idea notebook or my prayer journal. I’m sure I could come up with some passages to make my focus on my own but it would be fun to hear what you think.
I think this blog post is evidence that I overthink everything, but I just wanted to share where I’m at! Till next time!